Communicating with Love

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Matthew 7:1-2

Here we see Jesus encouraging us to do something that is very difficult to do. The world teaches us that we should use labels for everything, including people. Many of us use statements like, "He is irresponsible" or "She is selfish" and "He is lazy" often. These labels (a form of judging) only make us more upset because they justify our anger. Labels also make others defensive and angry. Nobody likes to be judged.

Jesus tells us to do something radically different than what the world tells us to do. The word judge in the Greek language is "krino" and it means to judge, pass sentence or give one's opinion in a private manner (Matthew 7:1-2, Luke 6:37, John 8:15).

Now try to imagine talking to someone about a delicate matter without sharing your negative opinion. It is not so easy. When we share our opinion in a private matter it many times is negative and paints a somber picture of the other individual. We see this individual as a bad person and many times as someone who has done something wrong and someone who needs to be punished.

To avoid this negative projection of others Jesus tells us to view others differently. In Matthew 7:4-5 Jesus says, "How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Jesus is telling us to remove the judging attitude and desire to see others in a negative light. This is the plank in our eyes. The desire to judge. When we remove this we can see this individual as a human being who is hurting or has a need that is not met and then move towards resolving the problem.

When we can identify with the other person's feelings and needs we open the door to empathy. When we do this people want to talk to us. But when we judge we put up a wall. This is why Jesus says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

If we yell at others they will most likely yell at us. If we criticize others they will most likely criticize us back. The idea here is that our words can either build walls between us or windows into the other's heart.